I still haven't even gone new clothes shopping! Ahhh!!!

Tomorrow a new school semester starts. And while I'm only taking two classes this semester, even just two classes often somehow has me feeling overwhelmed. In fact, historically, when I usually take two (or more) classes, I end up dropping one of them. It's almost always the same, I start of the semester excited and for the first couple weeks I'm on top of things. Then there's some sort of slipup and I find myself playing catch up in one (or both) of the classes, but I never really feel like I'm catching up and then at the last minute I withdraw from one of the classes. 

I thought when I quit drinking, I'd break this cycle. But so far that hasn't proven to be true. Honestly, I think the best way for me to break the cycle would be with meds. I say that because that's what multiple health professionals have told me. Unfortunately, the current top leadership in the military seems very against said meds and I think it's only a matter of time before they start med-boarding people out for taking those meds. So much as I can do my job to a degree that my supervision is happy with, then I'll have to keep avoiding said meds. And hoping for the best in school.

The funny thing (again, not ha-ha funny) about it all is how I feel like an absolute failure for still working on a degree I started over fifteen years ago, but how I'd tell anyone else in my position they're anything but a failure so much as they're still trying. I've watched people start their schooling after me and finish graduate degrees in the time it's taking me to get a bachelor's. And some of those people are absolute idiots, yet they were able to focus enough to do the work and get the degree. It's disheartening. Yet if a friend came to me in my position, I'd tell them the only failing is when you stop moving forward. The moment you're in is just one point in your life and you only fail when you stay in that point; keep moving and you'll at least get somewhere. 

But whatever, when I try to tell myself those same words, I just feel like and idiot talking to himself. 

Anyways, class one if the Art of Math. Essentially a math class made to take math out of math so people not good at math can get their math general education requirements. This will be my second time attempting this class, the other time being last summer when I tried it online and couldn't follow along with anything. So this time I'm taking it in person. I suck at math. I need an adult to be able to talk to face-to-face when I begin to struggle. Hopefully this does the trick and I can never take a math class again. (Especially since if I don't pass this one this time, I'll have to retake the remedial math class before I can take a math class that counts again).

The other class is Historiography. Essentially the study of studying history. This will be my third attempt and in a reverse from my normal, this one will be online while the other two attempts were in person. I'm my own worst enemy for this class. The last two times (and so I imagine this time) there was one big paper due at the end of the semester requiring a lot of research. I had grand ideas for these papers and spent a lot of time daydreaming writing a really great paper. But I never really got to the studying and would just end up dropping the class. I'm not actually happy to do this class online, but I'm hoping to just get it done.

If all goes well and I break my self-imposed curse I should only need three more classes to graduate. At the most. Of course, with UAA, that's subject to change as I think my degree plan is based on an old catalog and I wouldn't be surprised if they say I have to change it to match something more recent, but that's a future worry and I need to focus on the present.  

Song of the Day