Bed Time was 2.5 Hours Ago; I Should Know Better
I wasn't thinking originally of writing any notes (or blogs or whatever you want to call them) tonight. My original hope was actually to try and go to bed early tonight (in the hopes I'd wake up early tomorrow to get some errands done). However, tortured thoughts have kept me from getting anywhere near my bed. Also, it's probably a good idea for me to keep in the habit of doing some writing somewhere daily. That should help prepare me for when I'm finally ready to sit down and start writing something worthwhile (i.e. a novel or script or statement for the press on why I'm not guilty for whatever crime I'm accused of).
Now if I were to write what's truly on my mind right now, it would be Girl X related. And honestly, I could give half a shit about who's tired of reading about it. The reason I don't write about it at the moment is if I were to do so, I'm pretty sure I'd make her into sounding like a much bigger villain than she really is. And for however much I might regret wasting all the time I did on her right now, I don't think she quite deserves for me to tell the story as it's in my head right now. So instead I'm going to write just whatever comes to mind...
I've been thinking about South Carolina a lot lately, kind of reminiscing. I think a lot of it has to do with being that I was just an airman while stationed there, I didn't have any real responsibility. So much as I showed up to work on time and did what I was told, I was free to live life however I wanted the rest the time. Not to mention the people I worked with were pretty cool and instead of yelling at me every chance they got, they tried to help me out (something many airmen I know aren't so fortunate to have). And I made a lot of AMAZING friends there, people I still think about on a daily basis. (And I don't mean I'm reminded of them through Facebook for something else, but that I actively take the time to think about them and hope they're doing well). There's also the fact that while I developed a lot of little infatuations, there was no one giant infatuation with any girl that sucked up way too much of my time and money (I only wish I could say the same about my next base). I also liked the fact that there were A LOT of very attractive women and they weren't wearing parkas nine months out of the year. And of course, there were the thunderstorms; I really miss thunderstorms. And finally, there's the amazing friends; so bad ass they get a second mention in the same paragraph (and this includes both Air Force friends and the awesome people at The Shack).
And then there's my grandpa, who has Parkinson's. I haven't seen him in a few years, which sucks enough. But from what I've heard, he's at the point of dementia, so he wouldn't even know who I am if I did show up (if I even had the money to do so). What really bothers me though is that the last time I saw him, knowing it could possibly be the last time, I wanted to give him a big giant hug and just tell him "thank you" (I'm not even sure what for, but I remember that being what I wanted to say). But I felt awkward standing there, getting ready to leave, and instead just shook hands with him like I've always done. Funny thing, Pride...
Another thing bothering me, though I can't say it really keeps me up at night, is after a few weeks of doing pretty well in going to the gym, I've pretty much stopped again. I'm not even sure how it happened. Before, even on days I didn't want to, I somehow found myself in my car and on my way. Now, even on days I want to go, I find something else that seems more important, like finishing a load of laundry. Or a couple more hours of sleep cause I didn't get to bed on time (much like tonight). It's weird cause I really do like going to the gym (particularly, I love a good jog) and I hate how I feel when I haven't been in a couple days. Yet I let myself constantly tell myself I can always make up for missed gym time today when I go tomorrow. When has that ever worked for anyone?
Anyways, this seems like enough writing for the night/morning. I have to go into work early tomorrow/later today (lucky me!). Also, I've had some Ray LaMontagne going while writing this, so I'm pretty sure if I kept writing some stupid Girl X stuff would come out. And no one wants that.
Now if I were to write what's truly on my mind right now, it would be Girl X related. And honestly, I could give half a shit about who's tired of reading about it. The reason I don't write about it at the moment is if I were to do so, I'm pretty sure I'd make her into sounding like a much bigger villain than she really is. And for however much I might regret wasting all the time I did on her right now, I don't think she quite deserves for me to tell the story as it's in my head right now. So instead I'm going to write just whatever comes to mind...
I've been thinking about South Carolina a lot lately, kind of reminiscing. I think a lot of it has to do with being that I was just an airman while stationed there, I didn't have any real responsibility. So much as I showed up to work on time and did what I was told, I was free to live life however I wanted the rest the time. Not to mention the people I worked with were pretty cool and instead of yelling at me every chance they got, they tried to help me out (something many airmen I know aren't so fortunate to have). And I made a lot of AMAZING friends there, people I still think about on a daily basis. (And I don't mean I'm reminded of them through Facebook for something else, but that I actively take the time to think about them and hope they're doing well). There's also the fact that while I developed a lot of little infatuations, there was no one giant infatuation with any girl that sucked up way too much of my time and money (I only wish I could say the same about my next base). I also liked the fact that there were A LOT of very attractive women and they weren't wearing parkas nine months out of the year. And of course, there were the thunderstorms; I really miss thunderstorms. And finally, there's the amazing friends; so bad ass they get a second mention in the same paragraph (and this includes both Air Force friends and the awesome people at The Shack).
And then there's my grandpa, who has Parkinson's. I haven't seen him in a few years, which sucks enough. But from what I've heard, he's at the point of dementia, so he wouldn't even know who I am if I did show up (if I even had the money to do so). What really bothers me though is that the last time I saw him, knowing it could possibly be the last time, I wanted to give him a big giant hug and just tell him "thank you" (I'm not even sure what for, but I remember that being what I wanted to say). But I felt awkward standing there, getting ready to leave, and instead just shook hands with him like I've always done. Funny thing, Pride...
Another thing bothering me, though I can't say it really keeps me up at night, is after a few weeks of doing pretty well in going to the gym, I've pretty much stopped again. I'm not even sure how it happened. Before, even on days I didn't want to, I somehow found myself in my car and on my way. Now, even on days I want to go, I find something else that seems more important, like finishing a load of laundry. Or a couple more hours of sleep cause I didn't get to bed on time (much like tonight). It's weird cause I really do like going to the gym (particularly, I love a good jog) and I hate how I feel when I haven't been in a couple days. Yet I let myself constantly tell myself I can always make up for missed gym time today when I go tomorrow. When has that ever worked for anyone?
Anyways, this seems like enough writing for the night/morning. I have to go into work early tomorrow/later today (lucky me!). Also, I've had some Ray LaMontagne going while writing this, so I'm pretty sure if I kept writing some stupid Girl X stuff would come out. And no one wants that.
posted by Paul | 5:22 AM
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