I Need to Buckle Down and Focus and- Ooh, Shiny
I have problems staying focused in life. And I'm not saying short term, such as paying attention in class (though that would be true too, especially if there's any cute girls in the room). I mean in life in general.
For the most part, I know what I want to do with my life (which already makes me luckier than a lot of other people I know). I even know the path to take to get to most these goals (how many people have it so sweet?). But I'll be damned if I'm not wandering off the path or just plain stopping in the middle of it every ten feet or so. Sometimes it's because I think I found another path to take, but that always turns out to be a dead end. Sometimes I see something interesting in the forest around me and can't resist going to check it out, only to find it wasn't nearly as interesting as I thought it was (and even when it does turn out to be that interesting, it's taken up valuable time in which I should've been moving forward on the path). Then there's times I stop in the middle of the path just surveying all around me and I get lost in the scenery and am too slow to start moving again. Finally, there's my worst habit: Just stopping in the middle of the path, deciding that finishing will just be too much work, and sitting down and doing nothing.
Now the goals (at least the ones I can control) are: First, get my degree (at least a master's, but I'm not ruling out PhD at this point), and I still want it to be in English. Then to get a job as a teacher. Not because it seems like it would be a secure job that gives me Summers off, but because I've wanted to be a teacher for a long time and I think I'd be pretty damn good at it. Then at some point, hopefully before I'm done with school, I'd really like to start taking writing seriously and work towards getting published. Even if I never get published, I want to have at least tried. And then finally, when I'm old enough and should I be financially secure enough, I want to move back to England and open my own pub.
These are the big goals of my life, the ones I've had for years and that have remained constant. Of course there's also the whole getting married and having a family thing, but I think a lot of that is more up to God than myself. And there's also quite a few little goals, like running a marathon at some point and taking a trip to Antarctica. And while I wouldn't dare say I don't think of them as important, the lack of pursuit of them has not been what's been keeping me up at night.
So anyways, the reason I'm writing about this is because I've come to realize, I'm pretty far off the path. My first mistake was starting as a history major. Don't get me wrong, I love history and plan to minor in it. But if I were to say I have a passion for any one subject, it's English. And it's always been. I think part of the reason I decided on history was because English majors planning to be teachers are a dime a dozen and I didn't think the same would be true for history. I know better now. I'm just going to have to make sure when it comes time to shine when looking for a teaching job, I do a damn good job of it.
And at least, as a history major, I was going to school.
The second mistake has been working full time (albeit temporary employment each time). I've let this false notion that I need to continue to live the lifestyle I had while active duty rule a lot of my decisions. I knew before getting out I'd have to make a lot of sacrifices to go to school, yet for some reason, I've abandoned the plan. And due to my desire to have money now, I've taken this semester off from school. And that's a lot of time I won't get back.
So what if I won't get a new car soon or I have to have a roommate or I can't just buy a new movie/video game on a whim? I'm quite sure the sacrifice now will pay off later. And I've got to commit myself to that belief. I've got to learn to not eat out so much, to make use of what I already have instead of constantly buying new things, and damnit, I just might have to learn to enjoy boxed wine.
Anyways, yet again, I'm getting to the point of rambling. Though, to be honest, there was originally more in my mind to write on this subject (it's been getting a lot of thought lately). However, it's late, I'm getting tired, and I've got a full day of stuff to take care of to wake up to in a few hours.
For the most part, I know what I want to do with my life (which already makes me luckier than a lot of other people I know). I even know the path to take to get to most these goals (how many people have it so sweet?). But I'll be damned if I'm not wandering off the path or just plain stopping in the middle of it every ten feet or so. Sometimes it's because I think I found another path to take, but that always turns out to be a dead end. Sometimes I see something interesting in the forest around me and can't resist going to check it out, only to find it wasn't nearly as interesting as I thought it was (and even when it does turn out to be that interesting, it's taken up valuable time in which I should've been moving forward on the path). Then there's times I stop in the middle of the path just surveying all around me and I get lost in the scenery and am too slow to start moving again. Finally, there's my worst habit: Just stopping in the middle of the path, deciding that finishing will just be too much work, and sitting down and doing nothing.
Now the goals (at least the ones I can control) are: First, get my degree (at least a master's, but I'm not ruling out PhD at this point), and I still want it to be in English. Then to get a job as a teacher. Not because it seems like it would be a secure job that gives me Summers off, but because I've wanted to be a teacher for a long time and I think I'd be pretty damn good at it. Then at some point, hopefully before I'm done with school, I'd really like to start taking writing seriously and work towards getting published. Even if I never get published, I want to have at least tried. And then finally, when I'm old enough and should I be financially secure enough, I want to move back to England and open my own pub.
These are the big goals of my life, the ones I've had for years and that have remained constant. Of course there's also the whole getting married and having a family thing, but I think a lot of that is more up to God than myself. And there's also quite a few little goals, like running a marathon at some point and taking a trip to Antarctica. And while I wouldn't dare say I don't think of them as important, the lack of pursuit of them has not been what's been keeping me up at night.
So anyways, the reason I'm writing about this is because I've come to realize, I'm pretty far off the path. My first mistake was starting as a history major. Don't get me wrong, I love history and plan to minor in it. But if I were to say I have a passion for any one subject, it's English. And it's always been. I think part of the reason I decided on history was because English majors planning to be teachers are a dime a dozen and I didn't think the same would be true for history. I know better now. I'm just going to have to make sure when it comes time to shine when looking for a teaching job, I do a damn good job of it.
And at least, as a history major, I was going to school.
The second mistake has been working full time (albeit temporary employment each time). I've let this false notion that I need to continue to live the lifestyle I had while active duty rule a lot of my decisions. I knew before getting out I'd have to make a lot of sacrifices to go to school, yet for some reason, I've abandoned the plan. And due to my desire to have money now, I've taken this semester off from school. And that's a lot of time I won't get back.
So what if I won't get a new car soon or I have to have a roommate or I can't just buy a new movie/video game on a whim? I'm quite sure the sacrifice now will pay off later. And I've got to commit myself to that belief. I've got to learn to not eat out so much, to make use of what I already have instead of constantly buying new things, and damnit, I just might have to learn to enjoy boxed wine.
Anyways, yet again, I'm getting to the point of rambling. Though, to be honest, there was originally more in my mind to write on this subject (it's been getting a lot of thought lately). However, it's late, I'm getting tired, and I've got a full day of stuff to take care of to wake up to in a few hours.
posted by Paul | 2:36 AM
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