If I Knew the Future and It Was Lonely

(This isn't the pity party it looks to be at first, but more of a daydream written down).

Sometimes I wish God would just tell me I'm destined for loneliness. Or at least send an angel to appear before me on a road while I'm traveling that tells me it's just not in the cards for me to be with anyone and I should just stop trying. Sure, I'd be bummed about it, but I'd get over it. And then I'd never have to wonder again.

Unfortunately, neither of the above has happened. And, as hope springs eternal, I've yet to learn to just give up on my own. I'm not sure I could. However, over the past year or so, I've really been wondering what I would do should such a thing happen. And here's what I've come up with.

First off, I'd delete my Facebook. I don't know why that's part of the daydream or how it even ended up the number one priority. But that's definitely what would happen.

Following that, I think I'd sell off just about everything I could that I own and throw out most the rest.

Then there's a couple other possibilities. Possibility one is that I would go to the gym for like eight hours a day for a few months and then try out for Air Force special forces, most likely pararescue. Chances would still be pretty slim that I'd make it, but I'd like to have at least given it a shot.

The other possibility, or what would happen once I was turned down for special forces, is I'd get the hell out of Alaska like the place was on fire. It would suck to leave a lot of my friends behind, especially as I'd have no Facebook for keeping in contact with them (and we all know that's the only way to keep in touch with long distance friends these days). But staying in a place where I'm constantly miserable just to make others happy would be retarded.

But I wouldn't move just anywhere, I've actually narrowed the list down quite a bit.

The least likely place would be Portland, OR. It looks and sounds like somewhere I'd enjoy, but never having been there, it seems like a huge leap of faith to just move there, especially as I would have no clue of what I'd want to do there.

Next on the list would be NYC, which would be like a 50/50 chance of happening if I could make enough money selling my stuff to cover living expenses there for a few months (which would be no easy task).

Most likely, I'd go to San Francisco. I know it's full of dumb hippies and my visit there was very short, but I've never fallen in love with a city itself so quickly as I did SF. I can easily picture myself living there and being a writer. And there's a reserve base near there so I'd have some sort of job and be able to make some other connections rather easily.

Finally, if I somehow got A LOT of money, I'd go to London, the greatest city in the world (I know I haven't been to all cities, I don't have to, just having been to London I know it's that great). I'd spend hours upon hours just walking the streets and absorbing the history. And people watching too. Then my weekends would be spent taking short trips to other European cities where I'd do the same. And I'd probably write a lot there too.

Anyways, this is just a dumb daydream used to get me through certain times. There's probably greater odds I wake up with superpowers than any of this happening. For whatever reason, part of me refuses to give up hope on love (no matter how much money that would help me save). And let's be honest, even if it did finally give up hope, I'd likely be too lazy to deal with the logistical headache of pulling off such a move. Instead I'd just bitch to my friends more (which will probably make some of them wish I did leave). But should you ever look for my Facebook and be unable to find it...