The Dating Game, Part 1/2

I don't know why I thought in any way, shape, or form, I was ready to try and date again. But for a short few days there, I did. And I setup a coffee date. Of course shortly after arranging said date I realized that was probably a mistake. But I didn't want to be an ass. She knew in five minutes I definitely wasn't ready for the dating life. Turns out six and a half years together with someone might take a little longer to get over than a couple weeks. Actually a lot more than a couple weeks, at least for me. Thankfully the woman I met was super cool and we just talked for a little bit and went our separate ways. Though it was slightly disturbing to know I could be read so easily.

 

Anyways, I know my focus needs to be me for awhile and and trying to rush into something new would be foolish. Honestly, as much as I hate the empty feeling of my house, I know I'm not ready to be with someone else, even on a casual level (though I'm willing to give Margot Robbie a pass on that). And in some ways, that sucks. For starters, in my limited experience, women tend to move on from relationships quicker than men. And there's this fear I might run into my ex somewhere with some new guy and if I've had anything more than the sight of a drink around, I might try something stupid. Which isn't even fair to the dude, he's just some guy trying to take a beautiful woman on a date. It's also not fair to her as she has every right to happiness and who the hell am I to think I have any right to get in the way of that. Not to mention doing something stupid like creating a confrontation like that is a level of stupid I'd never before in my life imagined getting to. But still, some days there's this urge...

 

More important than my idiotic urges though is the fact I'm not getting any younger. Sure, there's been no shortage of people to tell me how they once knew a guy in his late thirties that somehow met the perfect woman for him who happened to be in her mid-twenties and they went on to live happily ever after. Not to sound skeptical, but I've yet to meet any of those couples and while I don't doubt their existence, I also don't doubt that the man had a much nicer bank account than I do. I also don't have much of my late thirties left and by the time I can even remotely imagine myself being ready to date, I'll be much closer to my thirty-ninth birthday than my thirty-eighth. 

 

Now I don't demand I meet someone in their mid twenties or anywhere in their twenties to be honest. But one thing I want, something I've always wanted, is a family. And by always wanted, I mean like since I was twelve years old (before that I was more focused on being a ninja and ninjas don't have time for families). Obviously, a wife would be the most important part of that, but I think a close second in that is kids. And not to be an asshole, but I really want at least one of the kids to be my own. That's not to say I'm opposed to dating someone with kids, but I've definitely noticed a certain reluctance in women nearer to my age wanting to have any more kids (and I certainly don't blame them). So my best shot at that's ever going to happen (and in all honesty, my faith/hope has dwindled to a very small point, like some days I think it's circling the drain) is definitely someone a few years younger than me. However, the older I get, the older (and more reluctant) someone a few years younger than me gets as well.

Lastly, the dating world just looks like a fucking mess. I got on a couple of those dating apps when I thought I was already ready and I just don't know what to make of it. Like some people seem cool, but they're definitely in the minority for me. And if I happen to match with one of them and send a message, it's a short conversation. Apparently you have to have just the right way of saying hello. But I don't even think that's how I want to meet someone. Nothing against it, if it works for you, but it seems so impersonal. I love the little things about meeting someone in person and that being the first time you talked to them. Like I vividly remember meeting my ex and the moment I knew I liked her (more than physically I mean). And I really want that with the next person I'm with - those stories make for good wedding toasts or preludes to asking a woman to marry you. Or so I imagine as I've obviously never gone through either.  

Anyways, enough rambling. TL;DR: I'm definitely not anywhere near ready to date again and I'm scared to death of when I am. Also, I'm jealous of all of you with families and dating apps are meant for a different generation.