I Forgot About the Curtains

She came to pack her stuff while I was at work today. I was dreading this because I knew once I saw her stuff missing it would feel like it was her leaving again. And when I got home, I was right. Not that I can say I'd been making any progress, but if I had, it's gone now.

The upstairs of the house echos now. And I'd never realized just how lonely a place that echos is. And with all the color gone from the walls, I could swear I'm more in a prison than a home. I think if it wasn't for Hamlet, I'd try to be here as little as possible.

And speaking of Hamlet, I still find myself apologizing to him that his mommy's gone, that I fucked up so much she's never coming back. I don't know why I keep apologizing to him, he doesn't understand any words I say except anything food related. But I still feel like he misses her and is trying to make sense of what is going on.

Fortunately she left a lot of things she paid for, such as the furniture. Which I'm grateful for, otherwise I'd be searching Craigslist for used beanbag chairs and sturdy boxes that can double as dining room tables. The one thing I forgot about her paying for and that I might need to replace was the living room curtains. So now my living room is bared for all to see and somehow that makes it look all the lonelier to me.

I keep asking myself how long is too long to feel like this? At what point am I no longer allowed to be mourning and instead it just becomes an addiction to misery?