Middle Aged Madness (Middle Aged? Madness!)

 I recently saw a post on Reddit in a sub for people in my age group and in it, the person was talking about how weird it felt to be "middle-aged." And I thought, "that's ridiculous, we're not middle-aged!" And then I thought, "Oh shit, am I middle-aged?" So I went to that oracle we call Google and looked up what middle-aged is and well... damn. (According to Google, middle-aged is 45 - 65). 

While I've never been middle-aged before so I have no idea what it's supposed to feel like, I definitely don't feel like I'm it. Granted, I don't know what age I feel most days and at any given point on any given day, the age I feel may change. Based on my health, I'd say I feel more like an out of shape 35 yr old than an in average shape 45 yr old. Based on my career progression, I'd say similar - an unambitious 35 yr old trying to make the best of a career that feels he isn't meant for more so than the 45 yr old that just started getting his shit together a couple years ago. Based on my love life, I have no frickin idea and don't want to try to hazard any guesses cause I'll change my mind later anyways. Based on my hobbies, I'm 12. 

But this is all kinda beside the point. The point is that going by what I've learned from sitcoms, literature, and an epic Shakespeare monologue, I'm entering a new phase in life. Only I'm not even sure what happened to the last phase (or even the phase before that!). As far as I can tell, I'm still in whatever phase it is where you're trying to figure out what the hell it is you're doing, what it is you want to be doing, and is there any hope in life of finding someone to do it all with you. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever leave that phase. Or have I grown so used to it that I subconsciously sabotage myself for fear of of the unknown, but that's probably something better to discuss with a trained therapist than the internet.

Middle-aged has always sounded so old to me. It was like this point where you had an identity crisis and made rash decisions or you decided to up your contributions to your retirement account (so you can afford that nice RV to travel the country with in retirement). It's when you started making serious health-conscious decisions, like switching to 1% milk and non-fat creamers. It was a point in which a person established who they were in this world and in what direction they were going. But now that I'm there, I don't feel any of that (especially switching to 1% milk).