I Hate How Much I Hate My Life

Years ago, like years and years ago (like almost 20 years ago), I was hanging out with a friend of mine and I said something like "You know what I hate?" 

His answer - "Everything."

That answer still resonates with me. 

I hate how negative I am about things. I want to be more positive. I'm trying to be more positive. But fuck is it hard. 

I wish I was better at complimenting people. I wish I was able to tell my friends how much I love them without having to make a joke about it or play it off so it doesn't seem "gay." I wish I could just see all the beauty around me and nothing else; to enjoy the soup in front of me and not focus on fly in the room that hasn't even come near the bowl.