The Long Overdue Resolution
I've often looked at New Year's Resolutions as jokes; I've even commented as such, especially on social media. Most years I like to make some joke resolution like "This year I'll quit drinking out of the toilet," or "This year I'm going to quit smoking crack (and since I don't even smoke crack, I'm starting this year on the right foot by already completing my resolution)." I also, mostly privately, try to make real resolutions to myself, such as "this year I'm going to finally write that novel," or "I'm going to learn to play guitar." I never follow through on those private resolutions, but I'm never that bothered by it because not following through on resolutions seems more the norm than actually completing them. And honestly, that's OK - we're human and it's great to set goals and perfectly normal to not obtain them; I think it's when we quit setting goals we should honestly worry about ourselves.
Anyways, for 2020 I have an actual New Year's Resolution. I've been questioning whether I should tell anyone about it - I feel like I often jinx myself when I make declarations about what I will or will not do. But after a lot of thought, I've decided the better decision is to make it known. And for one reason only: I need to be held accountable on it.
My resolution for 2020 is to not drink any alcohol.
A little while ago, a good friend of mine made it known he plans to do 2020 completely alcohol free and I'd love to say I'm making this choice in solidarity with him, but honestly, it's something I've been thinking about for awhile now. Like at least for a couple years at this point (though I will say a conversation with him has been a catalyst for me to get to it). But there's always been a reason to push it off: maybe it was a big event/party coming up, a new beer release, a milestone birthday, or just my general disappointment in my life. The thing is, there will always be a reason to keep drinking, at least for someone like me.
Over the years, my drinking has gotten progressively worse, but I've always been able to tell myself I'll get it under control "tomorrow." And for some random brief periods, I actually seemed headed in the right direction regarding that. But those periods have been fleeting and ever rarer over the past couple years. Then 2019 seems to have been a complete shit-show for me and my alcohol consumption and it has cost me dearly, both personally and professionally.
I feel like in so many ways I've been losing who I am to drinking. I only went hiking twice during 2019 and went to jiu-jitsu maybe a couple dozen times total (very sporadically at that). I've barely done any reading, let alone writing. I've put on enough weight that I'm struggling to fit into the "fat guy" pants I bought myself a year ago when I noticed a significant weight gain and my original pants barely fitting. Too many mornings I've woken up hungover and just stared at myself in the mirror feeling like I'm looking at a stranger (who happens to look a lot like an overweight version of me).
Anyways, I have a couple requests for those that know me and might read this. Number one: As mentioned earlier, I need to be held accountable. If you think I'm going to drink, remind me I've got bigger goals to achieve. And if for some reason I'm already drinking, ask me if that's what I really want to be doing. Number two: Please no one comment or message me about being proud of me taking this step. I know quite a few people have been concerned about my drinking and you haven't been wrong in doing so, but I have no plans to quit forever - this is just a year to get my head realigned and hopefully get my life back on track; I have every hope to be a beer snob once again in 2021. Also, there's nothing to really be proud of yet; this is just my announced resolution. For all we know, I could decide Jan 1 to have "just a couple drinks" to help me get to sleep (as I'm quite use to going to sleep drunk now) and then Jan 2, since I drank the day before, say fuck this resolution. Then I delete this post and go back to my old ways and ignore anyone that asks me if I'm sure drinking is what I want to be doing.
Honestly, while part of me is definitely dreading this endeavor, I'm also looking forward to it.
Anyways, for 2020 I have an actual New Year's Resolution. I've been questioning whether I should tell anyone about it - I feel like I often jinx myself when I make declarations about what I will or will not do. But after a lot of thought, I've decided the better decision is to make it known. And for one reason only: I need to be held accountable on it.
My resolution for 2020 is to not drink any alcohol.
A little while ago, a good friend of mine made it known he plans to do 2020 completely alcohol free and I'd love to say I'm making this choice in solidarity with him, but honestly, it's something I've been thinking about for awhile now. Like at least for a couple years at this point (though I will say a conversation with him has been a catalyst for me to get to it). But there's always been a reason to push it off: maybe it was a big event/party coming up, a new beer release, a milestone birthday, or just my general disappointment in my life. The thing is, there will always be a reason to keep drinking, at least for someone like me.
Over the years, my drinking has gotten progressively worse, but I've always been able to tell myself I'll get it under control "tomorrow." And for some random brief periods, I actually seemed headed in the right direction regarding that. But those periods have been fleeting and ever rarer over the past couple years. Then 2019 seems to have been a complete shit-show for me and my alcohol consumption and it has cost me dearly, both personally and professionally.
I feel like in so many ways I've been losing who I am to drinking. I only went hiking twice during 2019 and went to jiu-jitsu maybe a couple dozen times total (very sporadically at that). I've barely done any reading, let alone writing. I've put on enough weight that I'm struggling to fit into the "fat guy" pants I bought myself a year ago when I noticed a significant weight gain and my original pants barely fitting. Too many mornings I've woken up hungover and just stared at myself in the mirror feeling like I'm looking at a stranger (who happens to look a lot like an overweight version of me).
Anyways, I have a couple requests for those that know me and might read this. Number one: As mentioned earlier, I need to be held accountable. If you think I'm going to drink, remind me I've got bigger goals to achieve. And if for some reason I'm already drinking, ask me if that's what I really want to be doing. Number two: Please no one comment or message me about being proud of me taking this step. I know quite a few people have been concerned about my drinking and you haven't been wrong in doing so, but I have no plans to quit forever - this is just a year to get my head realigned and hopefully get my life back on track; I have every hope to be a beer snob once again in 2021. Also, there's nothing to really be proud of yet; this is just my announced resolution. For all we know, I could decide Jan 1 to have "just a couple drinks" to help me get to sleep (as I'm quite use to going to sleep drunk now) and then Jan 2, since I drank the day before, say fuck this resolution. Then I delete this post and go back to my old ways and ignore anyone that asks me if I'm sure drinking is what I want to be doing.
Honestly, while part of me is definitely dreading this endeavor, I'm also looking forward to it.
posted by Paul | 4:05 AM
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