Not an Author and Barely a Writer

For starters, I have to make a distinction between writers and authors. Writers are people that write as a hobby, be it fiction or nonfiction. Authors are those who have had their writing published, and a significant amount of it in a widely distributed medium. Meaning if you've have a novel published and released nationally or multiple poems published in different poetry collections, I'd consider you an author. Having one or two poems in your high school newspaper or a letter to the editor published in a magazine leaves you as a writer.

Ever since I was little, I thought one of the greatest jobs a person could ever have would be as a successful author. For starters, you get to set your own work hours. Sure you might have some meetings you have to go to at hours you don't like, but for the most part, you're in charge of when you get to write. On top of that, if you're among the top tier of successful authors, you get to go on book signing tours, which I've always looked at as paid vacations. Best of all, unlike rock stars, athletes, and actors, you can remain relatively anonymous. Sure, the most diehard fans will find out what you look like (and possibly where you live), but most people are content to know the author's name and to be happy when they hear a new novel will be released by him or her. It really seems like a dream life. 

Of course I know, from interviews with various authors, that it's not all roses. Every occupation has it's downsides and it's no different for authors. Still, even with those downsides, it seems like it would be a pretty sweet deal, provided you're successful and can support yourself on your earnings from writing alone (which is a rare enough feat on its own).

I have often talked about one day being an author. In my head, there's grand stories that I'm sure would all be best sellers if I only got them on paper and sent to a publisher. But none of them ever gets on paper, at least not past a few thousand words. At that point I either lose interest in the story or begin to realize it's full of plot holes. Or I just let my tendency to be lazy take over and I leave the story behind so I can play video games instead. No matter the reason, the reality is I will never be an author with habits like that. (There's little consolation in the fact that even if I didn't have those habits, it's still a small chance I'd ever be published and even less chance I would make enough to support myself from it). 

Instead, I can say I'm a writer, but I feel like even that is misleading. I write the occasional poem and blog, with sporadic attempts at starting actual stories that never get finished. However, I definitely like to talk about writing as though it's something I do much more frequently, especially with new people I meet. I don't even know why, it's usually pretty apparent they're not that interested in hearing about it. Yet somehow I still get a thrill from talking about it. Maybe it's because I think they'll think I'm smarter than I really am somehow. 

Anyways, what got me thinking about all this is, ironically enough, I found the perfect book for me to write. Chances are I'll never write it, but it's hard for me to imagine a more qualified person to write this book. And that book is of course I guide to being in the Friend Zone.

Anyone that's known me for any significant amount of time knows I've spent more time in the Friend Zone than should be legal. Even people that don't know me that well but were reading my blog years ago know about most of the Girl X saga, which was enough for a book in itself (at least in my mind). But people that have known me longer know she was just one girl in what seems to be a reoccurring cycle.

Of course, if I were really up to taking writing seriously, there's a ton of things I'd like to write. For instance, a standard fantasy trilogy with a world and characters of my own creation would be fun. Of course the market is saturated with them right now, but seeing how well I could compete with those other authors would be part of the fun (look out George R.R. Martin!). Writing some sitcom scripts also sounds like fun, if only because I think incorporating the lives of my friends into a TV show sounds more entertaining than it would likely be. And not to be vulgar, but writing a porn script also sounds fun. Mainly cause I want to see if it's possible to have one turned into a movie that somehow has decent and somewhat realistic dialogue (unfortunately I'd have no control over the "acting," which seems to be a problem unto itself). And finally, if I were to write like it meant something to me, I'd love to write stories (novels mainly, but some short stories) that inspired people to live better lives. I'm not saying they'd get everyone to start recycling (though that'd be cool), but instead to reevaluate who they are, who they want to be, and to find ways towards reconciling the two. 

Anyways, that's all "what if." For now, I'll scratch the itch to write with bad poetry and pointless blogs; which I'll only write between sessions of playing video games.