Love at First Sight is NOT Romantic

Recently a friend and I got into a discussion about romance and one of the issues discussed was "love at first sight." My friend believes both that there is such a thing and that the idea of it is romantic. I disagree with her on both counts. But being the nature of our conversation (texting), it was hard to articulate why. However, I let her know I would write a note about it and she could read it then, so here it is. 

I'm not going to argue that people can meet and have immediate strong feelings for each other; this has been shown to be true many times. But I wouldn't call those feelings love. For starters, love is something much greater than those initial feelings. (I'm not going to try and explain what I believe love is at the moment, let's just leave it that it's the most powerful of human emotions in regards to one another). Love takes time, and plenty of it, to form. Of course those initial strong feelings can lead to love, but being a guy that's spent more time in the friend zone than should be possible, I can say that is rarely the case. More often than not, like at least nine times out of ten, when a female friend has told me she finally met "the one" and it's a guy she just met, the relationship ends. Usually that end takes anywhere between six months to two years, but that's not a fixed rule. And it also usually ends badly. 

I know there's a lot of people that say when they met, it was love at first sight. I would argue that it was either a case of strong feelings at first sight that turned to love (and lucky them for being one of those rare couples to achieve such a thing) or it's rosy retrospection. Because of their current feelings for their partner, they look at everything in the past in a better light than it really was. So what may have been a normal meeting between two people, when they look back upon it they seem to remember it as a love at first sight instance. It's a human thing to do and nearly everyone alive is guilty of it. 

But even if there is such a thing as love at first sight, I'd still argue it is not romantic. In fact it's about as unromantic as can be. 

Falling in love with someone when you first meet implies that something else is at work in the relationship, such as fate/destiny or God or whatever you want to call it. That means you have no choice in loving this person, nor they in loving you. Essentially, it's an arranged relationship, but instead of your parents being in control, it's the Cosmos or whatever. Admittedly, the definition of what is romantic can be arbitrary. It's possible some people think the stars lining up and choosing your life for you is in some way romantic. But not me.

Romance is loving someone because you choose to. It's looking past the bad and focusing on the good in them. It's growing with someone, both emotionally and physically. It's waking up and rededicating yourself to them everyday and doing so because you want to. It's seeing your girlfriend/wife when she's been sick and in bed for days, yet still telling her she's beautiful and not because that's what she wants to hear, but because you truly believe it. Or having faith in your boyfriend/husband even when he's down on his luck and it really seems like the world is against him. It's growing old with someone and still sitting next to them and holding hands whenever possible. It's being old together and being able to look back on everything and saying without a doubt you'd do it all again.

I'm not saying none of this is possible with love at first sight. However, it's a lot more romantic if the person I'm with is there because they chose to be. (Of course, I also like to believe that the best lovers are best friends, so my idea of what romance is may be way off). 

Anyways, I'm close to rambling and repeating myself over and over. And while this still isn't as well thought out as I'd like it to be, it'll work as a starting point.