Not tragedy or comedy, but simply teenage melodrama

 (Note: The following is a story from my high school years. A cringy story at that. And being that the incidents in this story took place 30 years ago, my memories of them will not be perfect. Not only does age change what we remember, but how we remember. That said, I'm going to do my best to tell this story as it actually happened, all from my point of view of course).

Her name, for the purpose of this story, was Dee and she was instantly the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid eyes upon when I met her my junior year. Immediately, without knowing anything about her but how she looked, I was in love. Literally thought I could die for her if the situation should call for it.  

I don't know how long it took. I don't even remember how I got the nerve to talk to her. But eventually we talked and she gave me her phone number so we could talk more. And talk more we did! I don't think it was daily, but it was pretty close. Sometimes we talked for about fifteen minutes, sometimes for a couple hours. Of course, to this day, I have no idea what we talked about other than one conversation about country music (which she loved and I tried to convince myself I enjoyed because that gave us something to talk about). 

For all the talking we were doing, the relationship was going nowhere beyond friendship. And I told myself I was OK with this. Years of going to religious summer camps where young teens were given advice about adult romance taught me that all the best romantic relationships began as good friendships - I just had to wait. Beyond that, I was almost certain our future together was a sure thing. If she didn't have some sort of crush on me, why would she spend so much time on the phone with me? I was also a little forgiving because I figured it would be hard for her to have feelings for me since she was the preppy cheerleader and I was a goth loner (I was actually more of a nerdy loser, but I liked to imagine I was a goth loner type who could be a preppy jock type if I really wanted to). 

I don't remember if it was late junior year or early my first senior year (either way, I do remember we didn't talk much over summer), but somewhere in that time frame a friend of hers told me I needed to quit calling her. They said she didn't like it and half the time she was just setting the phone down while I talked and then she'd pick it up a few minutes later to see if I was still there (I almost always was). And then whenever her and I were done talking, she'd just call her friends to make fun of me for being pathetic and tell them I was essentially stalking her. I'm not sure what I said to the friend, but I remember thinking there was no way the Dee I knew would be that kind of person and this friend must be jealous for whatever reason. 

That evening I did what any sensible teenage boy would do, I called Dee and asked her if there was any truth to what her friend said. She said no, mostly. It turns out she felt I called too much and she was busy so maybe I could not call so often. I agreed. I'm pretty sure I tried to play it off like I was really busy too and was planning on not calling so much as it was. But as soon as I got off the phone, I was devastated. The girl I was sure I was destined to marry didn't even want to talk to me anymore.

I did cut back how often I called, at least for a bit. Honestly, at this point in my life I'm not sure how much longer she and I continued talking for. I'm pretty sure I wasn't talking to her at all once I started my second senior year of high school. I don't think I was really talking to anyone - I was too embarrassed about not graduating on time to want to even look at anyone. 

Funny how I can remember Dee's entrance into my life like it was some pivotal moment that changed the course of my future, but her exit is a blur of a picture I could care less about making any clearer. Such is life I guess.

I wouldn't be until a few years after all that before I did any real looking back upon that time. I don't think I was even looking back upon that time to replay that whole situation with Dee, I was more or less just trying to analyze how much I thought I'd changed since high school. But that "friendship" did have a notable realization for me. All those conversations, all that time I thought her and I were really getting to know one another, were ninety percent me talking. I let her short replies mean so much more than they really did because in my head, I'd built her into someone she definitely wasn't. I was pining for someone that wasn't real and refusing to see the signs that were right there in front of me. It would not be the last time I made such a mistake either.

Anyways, I tell this story from my past because part of it has some serious relevance to my present. Which I actually do plan on writing about before long, but definitely not tonight - it's past time for bed and I'm actually tired at bed time for once.

Song of the Day