A Bad End to a Good Year

If 2024 was a TV series, it would've been one of those series that's really good for most of its run, but the last season ends up so horrible that you find yourself looking back upon the whole series in a negative light. 

It started off kind of rough, but that's because I was working on staying sober and being I was able to so so, I like at that first season as pretty good. 

The next few season I was really getting into the swing of things and while they were far from perfect, I still quite enjoyed them and they had me very excited for season to come. 

Then the last season came and while I can't say much about it right now (I have an NDA with some of the other cast members), I can say that at points, it's made me very much question if I really want to remain sober. 

Without going and looking back at old journals/blogs/etc., I think it's pretty common for me to feel like my year is ending on a bad note. (Though in all fairness, I used to be the guy that saw the negative in everything and would've said it was a bad end regardless of what the actuality was). So I'm going to try and spin this some...

Shit happens and it happens regardless of the day/time of year  - there's nothing so magical about any section of the calendar that it prevents bad times and sadness for everyone everywhere. Some of the stuff that's been going on for me is something that had to happen regardless how much I tried to fight it. I also think I will come out the better for it, but only time will tell the actual truth on that. The other some of the stuff is just that shit happens and since I'm not rich, I can't just buy my way out of the shit happening. Life will go on.

I don't want to have any predictions for 2025; I want to stay focused on where I am right now. However, my brain is always trying to imagine what will be happening in the future. My hope for 2025 is that I finish making it through this current shit relatively unscathed and begin working on fixing up my house (not for any specific reason, but I've lived here for ten years now and haven't even attempted a single one of the many house-projects I envisioned when moving in). 

As for an actual New Year's resolution... I've found New Year's resolutions tend to be a jinx for me, so in that spirit, I resolve in 2025 to not get rich.

The First Year Down

 About a month ago, I passed my one year sober mark. I meant to write something about it then, but life has been hectic. Incredibly hectic. Anyways, let's look at that first year in review...

The Good - I've been told by multiple people at work that I've been doing an amazing job. Which is weird to me, cause I feel like I do the same quality work, I just don't whine about how much I hate it nearly as much. But apparently quite a few people have noticed a difference and it's been such a good difference I even got a small promotion a few months back. It was more of a positional promotion than anything and my bank account isn't noticeable growing from it, but it is a step forward and will hopefully help me in securing bigger and better promotions in the future. But more importantly, it affirmation that I've been doing things right - something that wasn't happening while I was drinking.

The Bad - I have not lost a ton of weight like a lot of people say happens for them when they stop drinking. Probably because I have not had any consistency in going to the gym and the sugar that's in alcohol has been replaced by the sugar in candy. Seriously, I'm probably giving whoever makes Dove chocolate a record year this year. But I'm OK with that, it's still better than what I was doing to my body.

The Ugly - I'm going to drink again. Hopefully not any time soon or even any time not so soon. But there's a part of me that still craves it like nothing else. And I have found, at least these days, the easiest way to calm that craving is to tell it to wait until the time is right. So assuming I don't die prematurely and the world doesn't have an apocalypse, I will very likely one day be found sitting at a local brewery telling myself it's not alcoholism if I'm being a snob about it. But again, I'm aiming for that day to be very far away (ideally after retirement).

The Future - I'm hoping my second year sober is one about physical health. It's been a slow start to making that my reality, but (fingers crossed), I think I've finally got the ball moving. I miss jiu jitsu and while I never thought I'd say it, I miss jogging. And I REALLY, REALLY miss hiking, which I haven't done in years. So my primary goal for this year of sobriety is to be physically active. Of course there's other goals and what-not (mostly professional), but I know the best me isn't just sober me, it's sober and active me. (And hopefully I don't get injured as well).