Haven't Relapsed Yet

In light of passing the six months sober mark...

TLDR;

The good is that, for the most part, I haven't struggled with the temptation to drink nearly as much as I thought I would.

The bad is that I haven't gone through the summer months yet, which often have a way of making "just one" sound like such a good idea.

The ugly is that I haven't been nearly as physically active as I usually am when I try to sober up for a bit.

I was so used to spending my weekends completely drunk that I thought it would take me forever to get used to spending them sober, but that hasn't been the case at all. I still definitely like to stay in bed more than I probably should and I rarely get as much done over the weekend as I plan to, but the desire to just drink myself into oblivion and lose a whole weekend barely aware of the time going by just isn't there. Even when I took breaks from drinking before, I looked forward to the time I'd allow myself to drink again just so I could get absolutely plastered. This isn't to say I never feel tempted to drink, it's just not what it used to be. Usually, the only time I'd say I strongly feel the urge is when I'm driving alone and I pass a local brewery and the thought pops into my head that I could go in and just have a beer and no one else would have to know. But I also know myself well enough to know that one beer would turn into two while I was there and then a stop by the liquor store on the way home and then before I know it, I'm pissing away so much time it should be criminal. 

 

I don't want to say I'm "worried" about the coming summer months, but I am trying to keep myself on guard (so to speak). Summer in Alaska tends to go one of two ways; either it's really warm and nothing seems so refreshing as a cold beer, or it's cool and miserable and a strong dark beer sounds like the perfect pick-me-up. Either way, I know the idea of "just one" is an easy idea to succumb to and I know that "just one" never stays at just one. 

 

Finally, there is my physical inactivity. A year ago at this time, I was in Kuwait and unable to drink. And by this point in that trip, I was jogging three days a week (usually six miles on one day and three to four on the other two) and going to jiu-jitsu another three days out of the week. Nearly all the other times I took a break from drinking for a month or more (a little trick I liked to do to prove to myself I'm not an alcoholic), I was getting a gym routine going. This time though, I barely ever jog and usually just a mile when I do. And as for jiu-jitsu, I've gone once. Back in December.

I keep telling myself I'm going to get back into it and always making excuses as to why it can wait until tomorrow/next week/next month. For the first couple months, it was all about getting used to that "sober life." And then it was about getting used to my new shift at work. And lately it's been me letting myself feel older than I am. I'm hoping to reverse this course of (in)action soon. Very soon. Not because I believe I need to be physically active in order to stay sober, but because I'm finally at this point in life where I can enjoy physical activity without worrying about it getting in the way of my drinking.