Back to Wishing I Was Gay

For all the shit I talk about love and marriage and kids, I honestly think the most amazing thing that can happen for anyone is to find someone they can spend the rest of their lives with and then raise a family. Never mind modern divorce percentages or any of that; let's focus on the small percentage of successful relationships in the world. I envy them.

Contrary to so many of my jokes, I really dream of someday settling down and having kids and all that. I think for all the adventures life holds, that may very well be the greatest of them all. And to all those going through it, or who might even go through it, I wish nothing but the best. But I'm finally realizing it'll never be for me.

I've heard from multiple people, including family, that I'm someone who's always going to be single. And for awhile now, I've always shrugged it off and thought "I'll show you". I held on to this cocky dream that not only would I prove them wrong, but I'd do it in high fashion. Like out of nowhere I'd end up with some girl that was way out of my league, but at the same time she was in fact as madly in love with me as I was with her. We'd be a real life example of Disney's "happily ever after".

But, as recent events have shown me, I was wrong and they were right. I've got about a snowball's chance in Hell at a successful relationship.

I don't know shit about dealing with women. Every time I act like I feel I should act, often as in the way those stupid Disney movies say a man should act, I end up heartbroken and alone. And when I do as my friends say I should, I end up just the same.

I've been the nice guy and I've been the jerk (for the record, I really prefer to be the nice guy). I've been shy and I've been bold. I've been honest to a fault and I've lied to keep the peace. I've given it all and I've taken everything I could. The end result is always the same; I'm alone.

So for all the pity party this is (and is it ever not?), this is also me admitting everyone else is right.