It's Valentines; I Think I'll Write Something Emo and Jaded

Short Version: Blah blah Girl X; blah blah I'm dumb; blah blah if I'd have known the Grammy's were going to be on last night, I still would have gone to bed early.
I know this is going to make me sound even dumber than I have before (no one ever thinks it's possible, but I'm always able to prove people wrong), but a little while after meeting Girl X those so many years ago, I actually developed this belief she was "the one". I knew I was stuck in the friend zone at the time and it would be a long hard road out of it, but I had this crazy notion that in the end we'd be together. It would be an awesome story that would make for a great direct-to-DVD movie (admittedly with a little creative editing to put some ninjas and pirates in there). This whole train of insane thought has stuck with me up until a couple a months ago. And as I've said before, me getting over someone in a scenario like this doesn't just happen over night. With that in mind, let's just say the past week and a half or so hasn't been so great.
One of the things I did, believing she'd be the woman I'd one day spend the rest of my life with, was save all our email conversations. (I would've saved letters too, but it doesn't seem anyone writes those anymore). I liked to daydream that we'd one day go through a bunch of them and laugh and reminisce and all those shenanigans. Even at times when the (semi)realistic side of my brain was like "Dude, it's never going to happen. Just delete those emails and move on." I was able to rationalize with it that I should save the emails so that years later I could use the content of them for any stories I might write. So that email collection has been growing and growing for well over four years now. Until this morning.
I deleted all of them. If I can't bring myself to get rid of crap like that, then I'm only holding myself back. And as far as story ideas; A) I'm obviously not working on that dream of being a writer someday anyways, and B) Even if I were, I doubt I'd be running out of ideas for stories.
There's still a box of other sentimental crap in my storage unit I should probably get rid of too, but I'm not about to rush down there to do so. Hopefully by the time I finally get back down there, I won't have to muster all my willpower to force myself to do it either. Instead I'll just look at it is a box of junk to be tossed out.
And if I'm really lucky, I'll get some "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"-style amnesia and really move on.

My Stages to Sleep

I usually have four stages I go through before I'm asleep. Well, technically three stages as the fourth stage is sleep, but I still like to consider it four stages. None of these are scientific or any of that, just observances I've noticed in my lifetime.
First Stage - I'm pretty much wide awake, laying in bed, and staring at the ceiling. This is usually the longest stage and goes for about an hour. I know actual sleep science says if you do this, you should actually get up and do something for a little bit and then try again to go back to bed. However, I find getting up and doing something often leads to me having another hour of having to stare at the ceiling.
Second Stage - I'm starting to drift out of the conscious world. I can feel sleep coming on and often, various events from my day begin to replay themselves in my head with odd dream-like twists to them. I still have enough mental awareness to move my body around though if it begins to feel uncomfortable in its position and I can hear and understand sounds around me. This usually lasts five to fifteen minutes.
Third Stage - I'm very close to being asleep, but I'm not quite there. I'm aware that there's a world outside of me and the sounds I hear are being brought into my early dreams. This stage is usually very short, like two to four minutes. It's also the most important stage for me (and I'll get to the reasoning in a minute).
Fourth Stage - Sweet, wonderful, blissful sleep. I love it, possibly more than sex (I might be over-exaggerating a little bit due to my current predicament, but again, more on that in a second).
If you interrupt me during the first stage, say with something like a phone call, I'll probably answer it and be just fine. During the second stage, I might be a little annoyed, but not much. Really all it does is put me back in the first stage for like fifteen more minutes (depending on what the call is about of course). Call me during the fourth stage and you're lucky if I wake up for (and even if I do, chances are I won't remember doing so in the morning). But if you interrupt me during stage three, and it's not some sort of emergency, so help me God I hope you choke to death on your phone. In fact, if you were anywhere near me, I might be inclined to take that phone and shove it up your ass.
I know it may seem like I'm overreacting, but nine times out of ten, when I get pulled out of stage three, it takes me HOURS to even feel remotely tired again. I don't know why this is, but it's always the case. Like last night when someone decided to text me with some inane bullshit just as I was opening the gate to enter dreamland. And I've told this person before not to text or call me so late.
I've been using my phone for an alarm since about the first day I got a cell phone and noticed it had an alarm on it. I don't want to buy an alarm clock, the phone should work fine. Also, I do like to have my phone on in case of emergencies (not that I'm the person anyone should call if there's an emergency, but you never know). However, I think I'm finally just going to get an actual alarm clock.
And I know this is a whiny note/blog/whatever, but I'm literally at the point of wanting to hurt someone. Badly. Having decent sleep effects how I do in class (or if I even make it to class a lot). And I know it sounds weird, but I'm tired of being a shitty student. Not that most my classes don't seem relatively easy, but that relativity is in proportion to showing up (and probably staying awake as well).
Now, I'm going to go see if I can't get in a sixty minute nap before I have to be up for class. Which is probably a dumb thing for me to do as I'm likely to sleep through any alarm I set, but right now, I'm willing to take the risk.