A Letter to My Future Wife
Dear Wife,
We haven't met yet and sometimes I wonder if you even really exist. But if some of my friends are to be believed, along with my overly romantic side that spends too much time dreaming, you're out there somewhere. Chances are, we haven't even met yet (though I'm definitely hoping we meet soon even if we can't get married for a bit). But that doesn't mean I can't make you some promises already.
See, I've spent a lot of time in the friend zone. But unlike most guys that end up in the friend zone, I've actually tried to maintain those friendships. Which means I've had a lot of female friends (don't fret about this; as you will see, it's been for the better). And also unlike a lot of guys out there (at least according to those female friends), I've done this crazy thing and actually listened to what these girls have had to say. And from this listening, I've noticed a few common complaints many women have about the man in their life.
While I can't promise perfect, I can do my best to be as close to it as possible. And with that in mind, I've compiled this list for you. These are promises that I will do all I can to keep so much as I am of sound mind and body.
1) First and foremost, as I alluded to already, I will listen to you when you talk. No matter what it is you're talking about. So please don't say anything around me you don't want me to hear. And please don't as me to repeat what you just said, because sometimes we don't realize how dumb we sound until we hear it coming from someone else.
2) Not only will I make sure not to leave my dirty clothes laying wherever they should fall, but I will do all my own laundry. Really, I'm a big boy, I can do those kinds of things on my own. I can even do my own ironing (though truth be told I'm pretty lazy and if something needs to be ironed, I'm likely to take it to the dry cleaners and let them clean and press it).
3) Whenever I'm done using the toilet, no matter what I used it for, I will make sure to flush it. Number one, number two, or just using the toilet as a trash receptacle for a tissue; no one wants to walk in and see someone else's business. Also, I will make sure to put the toilet seat down. And probably the lid as well.
4) I will never take the last bowl of ice cream from the container. That's right, if I wake up with a late night craving for ice cream (yes, guys get them too) and there's not enough for two bowls, I will leave what's left in the carton and find some other way to satisfy my craving. (Probably with milk and kahlua).
5) And lastly, I will do all I can to never fart in front of you. Certainly, I'm human and one may slip every now and then, but damnit, you're the love of my life. I should be doing all I can to convince you I'm more than human and above such immature and crass things. And since I'm on the subject, I beg you, please do the same for me.
Anyways, there you go, a few promises I can make without even knowing you. Certainly there will be more to come once we meet and I figure out you're the one and all that. But without knowing you, I think these make a good base set of promises from which to build upon. And at this point, I can only hope you'll feel the same. So until we actually meet, I must bid you adieu.
Sincerely,
The guy that somehow tricked you into marrying him
We haven't met yet and sometimes I wonder if you even really exist. But if some of my friends are to be believed, along with my overly romantic side that spends too much time dreaming, you're out there somewhere. Chances are, we haven't even met yet (though I'm definitely hoping we meet soon even if we can't get married for a bit). But that doesn't mean I can't make you some promises already.
See, I've spent a lot of time in the friend zone. But unlike most guys that end up in the friend zone, I've actually tried to maintain those friendships. Which means I've had a lot of female friends (don't fret about this; as you will see, it's been for the better). And also unlike a lot of guys out there (at least according to those female friends), I've done this crazy thing and actually listened to what these girls have had to say. And from this listening, I've noticed a few common complaints many women have about the man in their life.
While I can't promise perfect, I can do my best to be as close to it as possible. And with that in mind, I've compiled this list for you. These are promises that I will do all I can to keep so much as I am of sound mind and body.
1) First and foremost, as I alluded to already, I will listen to you when you talk. No matter what it is you're talking about. So please don't say anything around me you don't want me to hear. And please don't as me to repeat what you just said, because sometimes we don't realize how dumb we sound until we hear it coming from someone else.
2) Not only will I make sure not to leave my dirty clothes laying wherever they should fall, but I will do all my own laundry. Really, I'm a big boy, I can do those kinds of things on my own. I can even do my own ironing (though truth be told I'm pretty lazy and if something needs to be ironed, I'm likely to take it to the dry cleaners and let them clean and press it).
3) Whenever I'm done using the toilet, no matter what I used it for, I will make sure to flush it. Number one, number two, or just using the toilet as a trash receptacle for a tissue; no one wants to walk in and see someone else's business. Also, I will make sure to put the toilet seat down. And probably the lid as well.
4) I will never take the last bowl of ice cream from the container. That's right, if I wake up with a late night craving for ice cream (yes, guys get them too) and there's not enough for two bowls, I will leave what's left in the carton and find some other way to satisfy my craving. (Probably with milk and kahlua).
5) And lastly, I will do all I can to never fart in front of you. Certainly, I'm human and one may slip every now and then, but damnit, you're the love of my life. I should be doing all I can to convince you I'm more than human and above such immature and crass things. And since I'm on the subject, I beg you, please do the same for me.
Anyways, there you go, a few promises I can make without even knowing you. Certainly there will be more to come once we meet and I figure out you're the one and all that. But without knowing you, I think these make a good base set of promises from which to build upon. And at this point, I can only hope you'll feel the same. So until we actually meet, I must bid you adieu.
Sincerely,
The guy that somehow tricked you into marrying him
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