My Profession is Misery
I have a major decision to make in life. And I mean MAJOR. It's something I've been praying about. Yet, so far, no amount of prayer seems to shed any light on any of my options.
In about eight months, my time for this enlistment with the Air Force will be up. I can either reenlist or get out. If I get out, I need to figure out where I'm going to go and what I'm going to do.
There's benefits to staying in. And there's drawbacks. The same goes for getting out. Every place I could choose to move to has its own benefits and drawbacks. This is a major decision that will affect the rest of my life. And I'm completely lost.
Until very recently, I was 99% sure God was urging me to get out. But I woke up this morning with a feeling of the exact opposite. And I have a really hard time discerning between what is God's will for my life, what's my personal desire, and what's my fear getting the best of me.
I know I never really wanted to join the Air Force, but circumstances being what they were back then, it was my best option. And it certainly has been an adventure and I can't really say I regret joining at all.
But as of late, I've been pretty miserable in the Air Force. However, being honest with myself, I was miserable before joining. In fact, I have a habit of just being miserable. If I push my misery aside and examine things, I don't really have a good reason to get out. In fact, staying in would be my best option. The Air Force is my best option to achieving my personal goals. Not to say what I want and what the Air Force wants for me perfectly line up, but things are certainly better for me within than without.
I could almost kill for a definitive sign from God, something in which there could be no doubt about. Like bright neon letters in the sky saying, "Paul, do this ..." Then again, I could use that sign for almost all aspects of my life. But rarely do I ever feel such need for it as now. Or such a fear of making the wrong choice.
But then again, one of the most amazing things I've found in my relationship with God is that no matter what choice I make, He has a way of using them for the best for my life. Still, the fear of making the wrong choice haunts me.
In about eight months, my time for this enlistment with the Air Force will be up. I can either reenlist or get out. If I get out, I need to figure out where I'm going to go and what I'm going to do.
There's benefits to staying in. And there's drawbacks. The same goes for getting out. Every place I could choose to move to has its own benefits and drawbacks. This is a major decision that will affect the rest of my life. And I'm completely lost.
Until very recently, I was 99% sure God was urging me to get out. But I woke up this morning with a feeling of the exact opposite. And I have a really hard time discerning between what is God's will for my life, what's my personal desire, and what's my fear getting the best of me.
I know I never really wanted to join the Air Force, but circumstances being what they were back then, it was my best option. And it certainly has been an adventure and I can't really say I regret joining at all.
But as of late, I've been pretty miserable in the Air Force. However, being honest with myself, I was miserable before joining. In fact, I have a habit of just being miserable. If I push my misery aside and examine things, I don't really have a good reason to get out. In fact, staying in would be my best option. The Air Force is my best option to achieving my personal goals. Not to say what I want and what the Air Force wants for me perfectly line up, but things are certainly better for me within than without.
I could almost kill for a definitive sign from God, something in which there could be no doubt about. Like bright neon letters in the sky saying, "Paul, do this ..." Then again, I could use that sign for almost all aspects of my life. But rarely do I ever feel such need for it as now. Or such a fear of making the wrong choice.
But then again, one of the most amazing things I've found in my relationship with God is that no matter what choice I make, He has a way of using them for the best for my life. Still, the fear of making the wrong choice haunts me.
posted by Paul | 11:39 AM
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