Life was Better When Social Media Had People Arguing for a Spot in Your Top 8

 It was a lot harder for me to hit the "delete" button on my Facebook account than I thought it would be. 

I mean, I know it's a horrible platform these days in which its users are the product. Keeping up with friends gets harder and harder as the feed gets filled with more and more ads, many disguised to look like posts from people I supposedly might know. And Mark Zuckerberg is one of the biggest piece of shit human beings on the planet. 

But Facebook is still one of the easiest ways of keeping in touch with people. Granted, with the way the feed works these days, it's gotten hard to keep up with what's going on in random friends' lives unless you specifically go to their page, but that often feels like more effort than it's worth (especially when you're trying to find out if someone is finally single again and their relationship status still shows "in a relationship"). 

There's also, for someone that's quite active on the site and has been on it for close to 15 years, so many pictures on there. Sure, they can be backed up (you can actually back up nearly all of your profile should you want to), but it's just not the same as having them out there for the world to see. 

And I don't have to spend as much time doom-scrolling Facebook as I do - I can learn to moderate, plenty of people do. But it's just so easy to pull it up on my phone when it feels like there's nothing else to do, especially if I don't feel I have the time to start doing something productive like reading an actual novel. Even though I usually end up spending 10-15 minutes doom-scrolling each time, which is definitely enough time for reading a few pages from an actual book.

Funny enough, as I sat there contemplating whether I should actually delete the damned thing, I remembered the first invite I got for the site. It was back in the days you needed a university email address to join. I created my first profile on the site, goofed around with it for a few minutes, and then told myself there's no way that site could replace Myspace. If only I knew then what I know now...

Anyways, after too much contemplation and reminiscing, I finally hit the delete button. Didn't even bother backing anything up either. I do have 30 (well, 26 at this point) days to change my mind according to the site and I know there's a chance I do so (telling myself I'm only doing it to retrieve some old photos and then I'll re-delete it, but knowing full well that won't likely happen). But I hope not.

Of course I have no idea how anyone will find/read these stupid blogs now that I'm not posting the link to them on Facebook, but that's probably also for the better. 

Can't Make a Wrong Turn if You Never Go Anywhere

Now that I'm officially middle aged, it's hard for me to not look back upon my life and wonder how the hell did I get here. I mean, I pretty much know how I got to where I'm at (mostly indecision and "playing it safe"), but there's a lot of looking back and comparing where I actually am to where I thought I would be. 

 

At 5 years old, I didn't know 45 was an actual age anyone got to. (Of course, I may be misremembering this as I was only 5, but it lines up in my head now).  I knew you could either be a baby, a kid, a big kid, an adult (like my parents) or an old person (like my grandparents). But the idea that I would one day be 45 years old myself would've seemed impossible to me then. That said, if I had to imagine myself doing something at 45 back then, I probably would've said pharmacist because that's what my dad did (and I had no idea that that even was). Or a ninja. But outside of that, I don't think I could've thought anything else about it.

At 15... At the beginning of 15, I imagined I would someday be a professional athlete - most likely in the NFL. Never mind that I didn't play any organized sports in high school nor did I bother getting my grades up enough so I could be eligible to play sports, I was sure it would somehow just magically happen. By the the end of 15, my dream of being rich and famous had mostly transitioned from being an athlete to being a rock star (or possibly writer). And much like my athletic dreams, I put no real work into achieving those dreams; instead I just expected them to happen. I was also sure at this point that by 45 I would not only be rich and famous, I would have a super model wife and a couple really awesome kids. 

At 25... To start the year off, I moved to England courtesy of the US Air Force. And I was sure it was fate so that I could meet some beautiful British woman I was destined to marry and have a family with. And of course, once I married her she would become my muse and I would begin my real career as a writer. I also decided at this point I should start going to school to be a teacher as a backup plan, even though I was sure the writing thing was also my destiny. By the end of 25, I had developed an infatuation for an American girl that was also stationed there. And when I say "infatuation," I mean I went full neckbeard. (Definitely not some of my proudest moments). And I was sure by the end of 25 that at 45 I would be married to said girl and we'd have a family that was always traveling thanks to the success of my writing.

At 35... I'd somewhat recently taken a full time job with the Air Force Reserves that I told myself was only going to be for a short time while I got my ass back into school to finish off that degree so I could be a teacher. I was also in a relationship that I wasn't entirely sure about and I handled that uncertainty by continually trying to advance it to the next level. So I bought a house that we could live in together. I figured by 45 we would've worked all the issues out and be married, though I was no longer really thinking I'd have kids. 

 

I don't know what the point to writing all this is. Guess I'm feeling a bit nostalgic (some might even say pensive) and figured I'd drag others along for the ride. I could probably write a bunch more about any of those given years (except maybe age 5), but I think these blurbs make for good snapshots. Sometimes I just think it's funny where life leads us (especially for those of us that refuse to take a lead). And with that in mind, I'm also going to imagine where I am 10 years from now.

At 55... Assuming I stay sober, based on historical trends, I'll be in the same job (or something adjacent). I won't necessarily enjoy it, but I know it could be worse and I've come to terms with it that way. Not to say I'm giving up on the teaching thing - I'm pretty sure I'll at least have finished my degree by 55. I just have my doubts I'll leave something financially comfortable for something that requires stricter personal budgeting. I certainly don't expect myself to somehow get magically rich and famous for work I won't do. I don't know if I'll still be in Alaska, but it's hard to imagine myself anywhere else. And of course, if I decide to start drinking again, I'll probably be dead before I make it to 55.  

2025 - Not the Worst Year

 I know there's still like a week and a half left to the year, but I don't see much happening in that time. So here's my review for the year...

I went through a breakup. It sucked. It still sucks some times. And while we actually broke up the end of 2024, it didn't become real for me until around May time frame. As I'm sure the case is for most people with most breakups, I learned a good bit about myself and a bit about life in general. What sucks is I feel a lot of it was lessons I should've learned a long time ago. C'est la vie.

So when the breakup became real, I told myself the best way to handle it was to keep busy. So I got more serious about having a jogging routine and started going back to jiu-jitsu. That all lasted about a month. Then I felt burnt out and I was back to "taking a break" from it all. It took a few months of being on break, but I did finally start going back to jiu-jitsu again as well as putting the treadmill to use. Not as often or as consistently as I should, but it has been happening and hopefully with time it becomes more regular.

I didn't do as much schooling for the year as I'd been hoping. In fact, I only knocked out one remedial class I needed before I could take an actual class I needed. But each time I signed up for that class, I found myself unable to focus and ended up dropping. Then the government shutdown hit and I found myself without work/pay for awhile, which gave me a lot of time to think about my future. I didn't figure out much, but I did realize I need to get serious about my education/getting a degree. 

I want to have a lot of goals for 2026. I feel like I'm at this point in life where the future will be what I make of it. But I also know that when I give myself goals and then I fail to meet one of them, I have a habit of just giving up on all of them. So while I have a ton of things I hope happen in 2026, I have one goal - completing enough school so that in 2027 my goal can be to finally graduate. (However, in lieu of that goal, I'm willing to settle for winning the powerball). 

Two Years Sober - A Review

If I have one drink, I'll have two. And if I have two drinks, I'll have ten. And after that, I'm drinking until I don't know how to stop anymore. 

Maybe it doesn't happen all at once. Maybe I can limit myself to just one drink at a time, during social outings with friends. Maybe after awhile I allow myself two. And maybe even I can keep myself to that limit.

But I know deep down, it's only a matter of time. It's just a bad day away when I think "what does it even matter?" and I let myself escape to that numb feeling only alcohol seemed to bring me. I promise myself it'll just be that one night and then I'll get back on track. 

Or maybe it's a really good day and I feel I deserve the right to celebrate in excess. After all, I've proven I have control again. It's time to let loose and tomorrow I'll get back to moderation.

But it'll never work like that. One bad day snowballs into lots of bad days and lots of reasons to want to feel numb. Funny enough, one drunken celebration of a good day also snow balls into lots of bad days. Lots of chasing that happy feeling while it gets further and further away.

And then before long, all semblance of control is long gone and I'm stuck wondering how I let it get so bad. Wondering if I'll ever be able to get sober again.

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Year two certainly had it's challenges, but staying sober was rarely ever one of them. And I think that's due to me always keeping the above in mind. I've heard a lot of people say year two was harder than year one because they thought they had control (since they already did a whole year without alcohol) and decided to try having "just one" again. And for most of them, it didn't take long til they were back where they started. So I guess, in a sense, I'm lucky that I still in no way think I can have control. 

That said, I did not get back to being as physically active as I'd been hoping to for year two. I wasn't a complete couch potato, but due to some personal stuff that happened throughout the year as well as me just generally loving sitting on my couch (or laying in bed), I didn't get out as much as I'd like. 

Does that mean I hope to try and change that in year three? Yes, yes it does.

More importantly for this next year though (or at least I think it's more important - some days it's hard to tell what I should be prioritizing, but that's something to talk about another time) is getting serious about planning for the next stage of my life. I'm not even sure what that means, but I've been spending the last few months thinking a lot about where I am vs. where I want to be (and where I believe God is telling me I should be going) and the two(/three) places are definitely not the same. 

Five Reasons "How I Met Your Mother" Doesn't Suck

I know I have a tendency to focus on the negative. And a tendency to point out the negative I see to anyone not even trying to listen. But I swear I'm not all doom and gloom. For all the shit I can (and will) talk about How I Met Your Mother, I still think it's a decent show. I wouldn't be going through the re-watch otherwise - there's too many other good shows out there I could be watching if I didn't really like this one. (Though if I were to be honest, I'd probably just be watching The Office again). Anyways, here's five things that make HIMYM worth the watch.

(Also, I'd like to say, if you've watched the whole series and know how it ends, but you've never re-watched it and have no desire to ever do so, I suggest just going back and watching season 8 episode 20 again. But, ummm... you may want to have some tissues nearby. In case someone nearby is cutting onions or something). 

5) The show has some pretty clever writing. Granted, it's not always consistent writing. But it's still quite clever much of the time. The one-liners are often good, which makes for a good sitcom. But more importantly, the writers make great use of foreshadowing in a way that I think just might be peak for a sitcom. Even in the later seasons.

4) I went to NYC once and the trip was absolutely horrible. Yet I still love the city. And because HIMYM is set in NYC, it automatically gets kudos for that. I know it can be argued that most the show was actually filmed in LA, but they do a good job of making it feel NYC and for that, I love it.

3) Some of the greatest music to be features in a television show has been featured in HIMYM. In fact, I'd say it rivals Grey's Anatomy for best music featured in its show (assuming the listener is really into indie music along with the occasional pop song). And unlike Grey's Anatomy, watching HIMYM doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon.

2) I think sitcoms that are set in the same time period they're filmed in serve as a sort of time capsule (and I hope to someday write a whole blog about this particular thought of mine). And HIMYM perfectly captures the mid-200s - mid-2010s (at least for middle class white Americans in their early adulthood years). And I absolutely love that about this show. Though watching the characters go from regular cell phones to smart phones does make me wish smart phones never became a thing. Which is something they actually cover in an episode.

1) Lastly, while I realize Ted Mosby is a fictional character and life is nothing like a sitcom, Ted's seemingly unending sense of hope often gives me a hope. Ignoring the fact that Ted is an idiot for not staying with Victoria in season 1, the dude goes through a lot of heartbreak. But he always gets back out there. Sure, some times it takes a little longer than others to dust himself off and pick himself up, but even when all the signs tell him it's time to call the quits - even when he thinks to himself that indeed it's time to call the quits - he finds a little hope and let's that guide him. And sometimes, when you're struggling to find such hope yourself, it's helpful to see someone else do it. 

Five Reasons "How I Met Your Mother" Sucks

When How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) first came out, I was a pretty avid watcher. I can't say I watched it regularly as streaming wasn't much of a thing back then (at least when it started) and I didn't have cable. But I kept track of the DVD release dates for the seasons and was buying them the week they came out and binging them on the weekends. I think I quit around season seven though. The show just got too repetitive and Ted was really getting on my nerves. Honestly, I just started seeing holes in the plot all over the place and it finally got to the point those holes got too big to be ignored. (Plus, at the time, a couple friends compared me to Ted Mosby and that was kind of insulting). 

Anyways, as the government shutdown is still going on and I've actually been kind of bored playing video games, I've decided to re-watch HIMYM. I'm only at about to season six, so almost caught up with where I once was. And I can't help but think this show still sucks. Maybe even more so now than when I first watched it. But I'm not going to just say it sucks and leave it at that, I'm going to give the reasons.

SPOILER ALERT - If somehow you've never watched HIMYM but are really wanting to, there are some spoilers in these reasons, most notable reason one. 

5) The characters spend way too much time in a bar. Real adults with real lives cannot afford to spend that much time or money in a bar. Especially considering Marshall and Lily have money troubles in the first few episodes. Ted seems to be doing alright for himself, but not so alright that he can just pick up his friends' bar tabs night after night. Robin seems to have even less money. And guys like Barney aren't the kind of guys to pick up other peoples' tabs unless they're sure they're going to sleep with that person.

4) The characters have too much free time. Marshall and Ted both go through points where they talk about being overworked, yet they both make it to social outings most nights a week. Barney is supposedly some high level executive, yet he's got enough free time to somehow lead two full lives. Robin is the only one where it makes sense to me that she has that much free time, only her free time would be on the other side of the day since she's constantly working morning shows.

3) People like Barney don't mingle with people like the rest the characters. I get it that his character is supposed to serve as some sort of foil to Ted, but that could've been written much better. There are plenty of man-whores out there that aren't rich and I think the writers would've done better to go that route. Also, guys like Barney don't live by some sort of bro code. They may claim to, but we've all known a Barney or two in our lives and every one of them has claimed to follow bro code only to try and earn the trust of others around them. And then when given the chance, they break the code. Barney would have 100% tried to seduce Lily whenever Marshall wasn't around.

2) The show goes on way too long. They could've kept the show to four season, five at the most, and it would've been much better. But in typical corporate Hollywood fashion, they had to milk it for all the could get. Which leads to subpar writing, plot holes, and character inconsistencies, all of which become more apparent as the show goes on.

1) Victoria! I thought I'd be ready for it the second time around, but no. Ted screwed up the best thing to happen to him. I know there's a point where they bring Victoria back and make it seem like things might happen. In fact, I think that point is why I quit watching it the first time. I can't say for sure why the writers did what they did, but I always got the feeling they brought Victoria back to appease the fans and then essentially assassinated the essence of her character. It was sloppy and it was only done because they wanted to show fans how Victoria wasn't the one, but it only goes to show the sloppy writing I mention in reason 2 the show sucks. 

Don't get me wrong, I doubt writing for a show in Hollywood can be easy. Between studio executive demands and actors doing whatever weird shit actors are known to do, it's got to be quite the balancing act to please all those people and the fans at the same time. Nonetheless, sometimes you gotta let the story write itself and I don't think the writers even tried that here. They were dead set on Robin being the one from the get-go (yes, I already know how the show ends despite not having seen it) that they wouldn't budge on the issue. They probably introduced Victoria way too early to make her the one, but they didn't have to do her dirty like they did later on. Though really, Ted should've just moved with her to Germany (I'm sure he could've gotten an architecture job over there - his rival firm, Sven, is from Sweden) and they could've lived happily ever after. The show would've been one season and instead of a bunch of pissed off fans complaining about the ending, there'd be a weird cult following wondering how the show didn't go on for longer than it did. 

Random Life Update

TL;DR: Nothing big going on. Still sober. Trying to get back into running. Hoping to try and get back in jiu-jitsu soon as well. I didn't really decorate for Halloween this year at home, but I did at work. And speaking of work, I'm currently in furlough status (i.e. not work or getting paid) while this government shutdown is going on. 

All considered, I'm kinda surprised I haven't been craving a drink lately. This is the time of year when barrel-aged stouts start hitting different (in a good way) and I always looked forward to it as a drinker. Not only did the stouts hit harder than most other beers, they helped me maintain the allusion to myself that I was more of a connoisseur than an alcoholic. The big bummer for me not drinking right now is with all this time off from work, I could be doing A LOT of connoisseur-ing without feeling bad about being the hungover piece of shit at work the next day. 

What's there to say about trying to get back into running, other than it being the weirdest thing to want to get back into? I don't really miss the act of running itself, but the feeling I get after running is hard to replicate any other way. Some people call it a "runner's high." I think of it more like a "after doing that to myself, none of the other annoying minutia of the day seems that bad" feeling. Plus I want to eat a lot of candy and other treats this holiday season and I need to be doing something to help fight the weight gain.

As for getting back into jiu-jitsu, it also has a "nothing after this seems that bad" feeling to it. But it also has a social component that's been severely lacking in my life as of late. And, I've spent plenty of money on it so far in life, so may as well try and get back at it yet again. 

I usually love decorating for the holidays, starting in October for Halloween. But this year I just wasn't feeling it. Probably because it was something I did with my ex and doing so alone just felt depressing. Of course, not doing it was also depressing. But when I had to choose between two depressing options, I chose the one that cost less. I'll probably do a little more decorating for Christmas, but still not as much as normal. And definitely not getting a tree this year. 

So the government shutdown... It sucks. I know it doesn't sound to most people like something I would say, but I miss work. I also miss a regular paycheck, but for now I've got enough in savings to hold me over for a little bit (if the shutdown goes into November that may change though). But going to work kinda forces me into a routine that I don't seem able to maintain when left to my own devices. These days I can't seem to fall asleep before 4 a.m. and then I end up sleeping til noon (or later) and I'm not getting nearly as much done with my time as I could be. 

Ideally, I would be using this time to write, or at least read more. Mostly I wake up later than I meant to and then end up doing little more than playing video games as I'm unable to find any focus on anything else. It's a frustration I never thought I'd have (I always thought I would love doing nothing) and I'm not sure how to deal with. And I know some people out there will be like, "just force yourself to do other stuff." I've tried. Nothing seems to be working. Who knew the monotony of regular employment would be the linchpin to be being even remotely productive in other areas of my life?

Anyways, I'm not going to get political about the shutdown (at least not yet); this is something out of my hands and getting myself worked up over will do no good. While I wouldn't place any actual money on how much longer it will last, I'd be very surprised if it was over by the end of next week. In the meantime, I'm going to do my best to make the most out of the time away from work. If nothing else, I will try and get more reading in. I might even try my hand at some baking during this time, even if only because watching GBBO makes me daydream what it would be like to be on the show and the only way that could ever happen is if I actually did some baking.